Letting Go: The Doorway to Healing and Growth

Many misunderstand the concept of letting go.

It’s not weakness.It’s not giving up.It’s not forgetting.

Letting go is a choice to heal. It’s a conscious decision to release what no longer serves us, be it old stories, past pain, outdated beliefs - so we can grow into something new.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over - you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli

Wow!  You cannot move forward because you are holding on to something from the past, or letting something hold on to you.

We Carry So Much

We carry burdens, grief, anger, anxiety, and regret.

Sometimes we hold on because we believe that if we hold things tightly enough, we can maintain control. We hold on to relationships, disappointments, mistakes, old stories, anger, guilt, fear, and sometimes even the person we used to be.

But healing isn't about holding on.

Healing is about release.

When we let go, we create space. And in that space, we grow.

Lao Tzu wisely said:

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

There is tremendous wisdom in that simple thought.

Letting go doesn't mean that what happened didn't matter. It doesn't mean that you approve of something that hurt you. And it certainly doesn't mean that you have to forget.

Letting go means changing your relationship with what happened.

You don't erase the past. You stop allowing the past to determine your future.

You don't forget the lesson. You stop reliving the pain.

What Are You Holding On To?

Sometimes we know exactly what we need to release. A relationship. A loss. A betrayal. A painful memory.

Other times, it's harder to recognize.

We may be holding on to:

• Guilt about something we did years ago

• Anger toward someone who hurt us

• Fear of making the same mistake again

• The need for someone else's approval

• Perfectionism

• A limiting belief about ourselves

• An old identity that no longer fits

• A habit that once served us but no longer does

• The belief that we aren't capable of changing

And here's the interesting part - We can become so accustomed to carrying something that we forget what it feels like to put it down.

That is one reason change can sometimes feel uncomfortable even when we desperately want it.

Our familiar patterns can feel safer than the unknown.

If you find yourself repeating the same thoughts, behaviors, or emotional patterns even though you consciously want something different, exploring your limiting beliefs and mindset can be an important first step.

Starting Over, Not Starting From Scratch

“Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go, but rather learning to start over.” - Nicole Sobon

I hadn't really thought about it that way before.

When we let go, it can feel like we're starting over because we're finally able to move forward in a way that we couldn't before.

But there's an important distinction: You're not really starting from scratch.

You're starting with everything you've learned.

Starting over can be scary. But it can also be full of promise.

You have experience. You have wisdom. You have survived things you once wondered whether you could survive.

And now you get to decide what you want to do with what you've learned. Letting go is the beginning of a new chapter, not the end of the story. Sometimes what we're letting go of isn't a person or a situation. Sometimes it's a belief, a habit, or a version of ourselves we've simply outgrown.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” - Roy T. Bennett

The Backpack Full of Bowling Balls

My good friend and colleague, Lisa Schermerhorn, once shared a metaphor that really stuck with me.

Imagine walking through life wearing a backpack.

But this isn't an ordinary backpack.

Inside are bowling balls.

One represents guilt.

Another represents anger.

Another represents regret.

Another represents fear.

Perhaps there are a few labeled What If?, If Only, and I Should Have.

You can carry them.

You may even become very good at carrying them.

But they still have weight.

And the longer you carry them, the more normal that weight begins to feel.

Now imagine taking off the backpack.

You haven't changed the past.

The bowling balls still exist.

But you don't have to carry them anymore.

Suddenly, there is more room to move.

More energy.

More freedom.

More possibility.

It's a whole new game.

That's what emotional release can feel like.

For some people, working with a trained hypnotherapist can provide a structured way to explore the thoughts, emotions, and patterns that have been difficult to release on their own. You can learn more about how hypnosis works and whether it may be appropriate for what you're experiencing.

Letting Go Doesn't Mean Giving Up

This is an important distinction.

Letting go isn't surrender.

It isn't weakness.

It isn't saying, "I don't care anymore."

Sometimes letting go is one of the strongest decisions we can make.

You can let go of anger without saying that what happened was acceptable.

You can forgive without inviting someone back into your life.

You can stop carrying guilt while still taking responsibility for your actions.

You can release fear while still being appropriately cautious.

You can move forward without pretending the past never happened.

Letting go is not about changing history. It's about changing what history gets to do to you.

Emotional Freedom Is the Ultimate Freedom

Freedom isn't just political or social.

There is another kind of freedom that can be even more personal:

Emotional freedom.

The freedom to wake up without carrying yesterday into today.

The freedom to make decisions without being controlled by old fears.

The freedom to stop trying to prove your worth.

The freedom to become comfortable with who you are.

And the path to emotional freedom often begins with letting go.

Letting go of guilt.

Letting go of perfection.

Letting go of the need to have all the answers.

Letting go of the belief that everyone has to understand you.

Letting go of the idea that your past has to predict your future.

Thich Nhat Hanh said:

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”

What Happens When You Create Space?

Think about an overcrowded room.

If every inch of the room is filled, there is nowhere to put anything new.

You can't add another chair.

You can't create a comfortable place to sit.

You can't bring something new into the room without removing something first.

Our minds can work much the same way.

When we're constantly consumed by old anger, fear, regret, or worry, there may be very little emotional space left for peace, confidence, joy, or possibility.

Letting go creates space.

And once there is space, something new can begin.

Maybe it's confidence.

Maybe it's peace.

Maybe it's a healthier relationship.

Maybe it's a new direction in your career.

Maybe it's finally believing that you are capable of doing something you've been afraid to attempt.

This is one of the reasons mindset work can be so powerful. Changing the way you think about yourself and your possibilities can change the way you approach your life.

If you're ready to explore that kind of change, you can learn more about Positive Effects Coaching & Hypnosis and the approaches I use to help people create meaningful change.

A Simple Question

Here's something you can ask yourself today:

"What am I carrying that I no longer need?"

Don't try to come up with the perfect answer.

Just notice what comes to mind.

Then ask:

"What would my life feel like if I didn't have to carry that anymore?"

You don't necessarily have to solve everything today.

Sometimes awareness is the first step toward change.

And sometimes the first step is simply giving yourself permission to put the backpack down.

A Final Thought

You are not your past.

You are not your pain.

You are not what happened to you.

You are what you choose to become next.

Letting go is the bridge between who you were and who you are becoming.

You don't have to know exactly where the bridge leads.

You don't have to have everything figured out.

You simply have to be willing to take the next step.

Take the step. Trust the release. Grow in the letting go.

And if something you've been carrying has been keeping you from moving forward, you don't necessarily have to figure it out alone.

Schedule a complimentary discovery call and let's talk about what you're experiencing, what you'd like to change, and whether working together might be a good fit.